


The worst orientation ever

by isquinnabel



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Parks and Recreation
Genre: Crossover, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, Gen, Ministry of Magic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-04
Updated: 2015-09-04
Packaged: 2018-04-19 01:34:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4727813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/isquinnabel/pseuds/isquinnabel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was April’s first day of a work exchange at the Ministry of Magic, and everything about it was really stupid.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The worst orientation ever

**Author's Note:**

  * For [stillscape](https://archiveofourown.org/users/stillscape/gifts).



> Happy crossovering, stillscape!
> 
> I originally wrote this treat to fit in with your "awesome ladies being awesome" like. It became "wow, imagine if April was at the Ministry of Magic, Percy would drive her crazy," and it turned out a bit differently to how I originally envisaged, but I hope it's still to your taste :)

 

April had been staring at the fountain for like an hour. Or, okay, maybe it was only five minutes or something, but it felt way longer. This place sucked already. Goblins and centaurs were supposed to be kind of badass, but this fountain made them look super lame. They gazed at the golden wizard like they were in love with it or something, which didn’t even make sense. Centaurs and goblins hated people. Or at best, like, vaguely tolerated them. The centaur’s arrow wasn’t even aiming at anyone, which seemed like such a waste of potential.

About sixteen thousand more hours passed before some red-headed guy suddenly appeared, tapping firmly on her shoulder. Which was a terrible way to get her attention, by the way. It was totally rude.

“You must be April Ludgate,” he declared, pushing his glasses up his nose.  
“Uh, yeah.”  
“Excellent, excellent.” He held out his right hand. “Percy Weasley.”  
April stared. And then she kept staring. He was waiting expectantly, hand still outstretched, because apparently shaking her hand was the most important thing in the universe. She stared and stared, partly because she didn’t really want to shake this guy’s stupid hand, but mostly because she kinda wanted to see how long he’d keep standing there.

Ages, it turned out. She sighed. Whatever. She shook his hand and it was gross, like a peeled shrivelfig.

“On behalf the Department of International Magical Cooperation, and the Minister for Magic himself, I’d like to welcome you to your first day at the Ministry! We believe that it’s extremely important to form strong bonds with other nations, and this new work exchange program is an exciting new phase in our plan to work alongside our friends in magical governance all over the globe.”

Okay, there had been way too many words in that sentence. For someone who had to flush himself down a toilet to get to work everyday, this guy was way too into himself.

“…in the different departments.” He puffed out his chest. “I’ve been with the Department of International Magical Cooperation for six months now, and many of my current tasks will now be passed on to you. In addition, I’ve been granted the honour of conducting your orientation tour of the ministry.” Oh joy. “Now, this seems like a good place to start! The Fountain of Magical Brethren! The history behind the sculptures is really quite fascinating…”

Oh god, no. She stared blankly at the fountain, tuning out Percy’s detailed explanation of something nobody cared about.

She’d barely even started, and this place was already the worst.

\---

The tour took forever, and April met an uncomfortably huge number of people. Apparently it was like this unofficial rule that to work at the Ministry of Magic, you needed a really dumb name. April thought Percy Weasley had been dorky enough, but it turned out to be the tip of a really embarrassing iceberg. She’d even seen some memo in the elevator, flapping annoyingly around her head, addressed to someone called Nymphadora. Like, seriously? Did her parents hate her or something?

Finally, at the end of his tour, he took her to the Magical Something Cooperation office – the one where she’d be working.

“Here’s your desk,” announced Percy. "Now that you're here, I've moved to a new one. Much closer to Mr Crouch's office!"

April wasn’t exactly sure what she had been expecting. The idea of an international work exchange had seemed kind of cool when she applied, and she hadn’t admitted to anyone how bad she’d wanted to get it. She’d really needed to get out of her stupid hometown; Pawnee’s last witch burning was in the freaking seventies, for god’s sake. But it hadn’t quite sunk in til today that, like everything else, this was probably going to suck. She had a desk in an office in a government building, which was basically exactly what she’d left behind. The only major difference was the accents, which were cool for like five seconds. 

“What’s that smell?”  
“I beg your pardon?”  
“Something reeks in here.” She wrinked her nose. “I think it’s coming from the in-tray.”  
“Oh, that.” Percy waved his hand dismissively. “This is my old desk, I recently received a dragon-based fertilizer sample from Norway.”  
“Oh my god. Someone sent you dragon crap?”  
“It was a fertilizer sample!” he said, all huffy. “It wasn’t personal!”  
“Oh yeah? Did anyone else get one?”  
“That’s not important!”

This would have been hilarious if the smell wasn’t, like, entrenched in her desk. Dragon shit might’ve been good for plants or whatever, but it was insanely disgusting. She was practically choking on it.

(Okay, choking might be an exaggeration. But it was still gross.)

“Why does it still stink? Didn’t you clean it up?”  
“Unfortunately, April, dragon-based fertilizers have an immensely strong odor. I cleaned it thoroughly about a week ago, but it’s still rather pungent. I believe the smell should fade naturally in about a month.”

A month? She had to live with this smell for a goddamn _month_?

“Well, I hope the tour was thoroughly enlightening! For the rest of the morning, just stick to the filing I showed you. It’s a nice, simple introductory task, and you’ll get a good overview of our day-to-day business here in the Department of International Magical Cooperation! If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to ask.”

Before she could ask anything – like, for example, why the hell she was stuck with the literal shit desk – he had flashed his stupid fake smile and vanished through the door, pretending to have somewhere important to be. He left her in this ugly grey cubicle, with a huge stack of files and a cloud of thick fertilizer. 

What an asshole.

\---

April, of course, had no intention of doing any filing.

By lunchtime, she was sort of proud of herself. No-one could say she wasn’t a kickass witch. She’d found an old, and very long, sheet of parchment in one of the desk drawers, with “Weekly To-Do List” emblazoned across the top in fancy calligraphy. It was probably meant to scream or something if she didn't finish her jobs, which, ugh. No thanks. She spent hours charming it to perfection; when she was done, it mostly seemed pretty normal. If anyone else looked at it, it still had its normal title, with a bunch of lame office things handwritten underneath. But when April looked at it, the title became spiky and red, morphing into the words “REVENGE LIST”.

With great pleasure, she picked up a quill and wrote:  


1\. Percy Weasley

She grinned, the Evil Mastermind wheels in her head already turning. Maybe this place could be sort of fun after all.


End file.
